Anxiety and fear have no place in writing

Anxiety and fear suck, but they’re also the great equalizers. We all suffer them in various forms. Confronting challenges isn’t a ‘you’ problem, it’s an ‘us’ problem. This shit constricts the chests of writers and editors – men and women – across the globe.

The difference between successful writers – the ones you admire – and you? Their coping mechanisms.

Let’s talk about fear.

It’s a natural response to a threat. My stomach turns when I think about skydiving. Our bodies, our fears, protect us from imminent danger. It’s pretty simple.

Tornado sirens. Fire alarms. Something scary is around you, something harmful, and your body knows.

Let’s say you’re leaving the mall on Black Friday and you remember the new outfit you need for an upcoming interview. People spill out of the entrance behind you, bags draped under their eyes and across each arm. Fighting your way back in there is going to suck. You rush back toward the sliding door, trip over the untied Chucks you’re wearing and hope to get out of that hellhole as soon as you can.

As you regain your balance, your knuckles buckle around your keys and you place them in your jean pocket. You look down, making sure money didn’t tumble out. And just then, your peripheral vision spots the moving brake lights of the Mazda six feet from you. You can’t slow down enough (a body in motion tends to stay in motion, after all) and you’re about to catapult into the back of a moving vehicle.

What do you do? Scream? Slap the trunk? Channel your inner Dustin Hoffman in Midnight Cowboy? Did you consciously make the decision to avoid danger or did your body do it for you?

Good fear takes over on its own when necessary.

Not so good fear – aka anxiety – is different. It keeps us from reaching our dreams. It helps us spin countless scenarios in our heads about future possibilities (usually none of them good), instead of living right now. And it’s useless. Learning to approach it will help you build the business, career and life you want. One that wakes up your frontal lobe and pelvic floor.

I haven’t coached a day without a client freaking-the-fuck-out. Someone, somewhere, is dealing with gut-bending anxiety right now.

That’s where I come in.

Anxiety consumes us when we allow fear to become about something that might happen later, not now. For example, right now, I’m writing this. No need to be anxious. But if I started to mull over all the people who might not like that I say fuck, or who don’t like my preference for incomplete sentences for effect, or who are just pains in the ass, well, I’d get anxious damn quick. Fortunately, I don’t care about any of that.

The restrictions we place on our lives to avoid potential discomfort are anxiety-driven.

  • The always-single forty-something who was burned once and locked her heart in her four-family flat.
  • The man in the mall parking lot who now refuses to go to ANY parking lot in an attempt to avoid getting hit.
  • The writer who never finished her manuscript because she’s afraid of rejection – from readers, editors, publishing houses, friends and family.

When anxiety changes the course of your life, when it stops you from reaching a dream, it’s a big fat problem.

So how do we breakthrough?

Ask for help.

Whatever way you’re able to bend your mind and shift anxious energy, do it. Pay someone to do your taxes. Try exercise and yoga. Hire a writing coach to walk you through the scary parts of telling your story. We don’t have to do anything alone.

The bottom line? Are you willing to give up on your dream because anxiety wrecked your T-shirt armpits last night?

Screw that.

And here’s an extra tip, because I can –> Arguably the single most valuable thing you can do about writer anxiety? Talk about it. Holding it up to the light invariably allows people to see it for what it is – a whole lot of nothing.

My clients have this gangster-I-love-you-no-I-love-you-more thing happening in our private writer community. They have each others’ backs. They all have the same struggles and feelings, and they talk about them openly. It’s kinda like free therapy, and the writers there are beating anxiety and getting shit done.

So what are you waiting for?

As long as you’re worried about things that might happen in the future, you’re not doing shit now – notably, writing. And you’re never better prepared for bad things because you spent all that time worrying.

No more excuses. Write now.

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8 ways a writing coach helps you get killer results

Imagine Jane, slaving over a blank canvas every day, by herself. Forgoing meals and sleep in the name of her craft. Barely getting by on whatever meager income her paintings bring in.

It’s all for my art, she says.

The epitome of the starving artist, right? Well that sucks.

And too many writers are doing the same thing.

You’re broke, bored, confused, scared, and often overwhelmed by how best to tell your stories. You stare at the screen every day, unsure of you have anything worthwhile to say, how to say it, and if anyone will read it anyway.

Now let’s go back to Jane for a minute. What if Pablo Picasso materialized at her door and said, “Hey, I’ve been looking for someone to talk painting with. You available?”

I’m betting two incredibly cool things would happen. First, his skill and style would rub off on her. It’s inevitable. Second, she wouldn’t be doing it alone anymore. Having someone to bounce ideas off of, talk through struggles and share insecurities is invaluable.

In the same way, writers need support. They need to talk to people who have done what they’re trying to do. Someone who can give them advice and feedback, and keep them on track.

Hence, the writing coach. (And even if you don’t think a coach is for you, you can implement these ideas to strengthen your writing and your psyche. No joke.)

Writing coaches help you get shit done. Here’s how.

A realistic look at your writing life

If you don’t know what you want your writing life to look like, how can you go after it? Do you want to write full-time or part-time? Are you a romance author or a how-to writer? How much time do you want to spend in front of your computer every day? Map it out. Be specific. And make it doable.

Writing coaches talk with you about how to create a realistic plan. One you’ll look forward to every day and that will help you accomplish your writing goals. For example, as a first-time author, it might not be awesome to plan on writing six novels this year.

A plan

Jane shows up at her studio every day and paints. It still won’t make her paintings sell for millions. It’s true, the more you write, the better you become. But your progress leaps ahead when you have someone guiding you on where and how to improve.

You need a plan to get you where you want to be. A writing coach helps you create a personalized, strategic plan. And thanks to her decades of writing experience, your plan is highly likely to get you where you want to go.

Execution

How will you get there without a deadline? Sure, we’re all going to write that book. When?

A good writing coach helps you quantify what your writing success looks like AND helps you set goals along the way to the final product.

We don’t say, “I’m going to write a book,” and then write continuously until it’s done. We’re not machines. We need interim goals and deadlines – and rewards for meeting those.

Focus

A strategic writing plan makes multiple things happen at once: improving writing skills, writing, growing an audience, networking with other writers, developing confidence, taking time for your craft (and usually setting firm boundaries with friends and family in order to do so).

It’s easy to lose focus, get confused, feel overwhelmed and ultimately give up. Believe it or not, that happens more toward the end of a writing project than at any other time.

A writing coach keeps you on task. You’ll know what’s next, why it’s most important, and you’ll already have time scheduled for it. The best part? When you get stuck, you call her.

Accountability

A writing coach expects feedback on a regular basis.

Annoying? Absolutely.

Necessary? Absolutely.

We’re monitoring your progress. When I see you’re spending too much time editing, for example, I’ll light a fire under you to let it go and just write.

The best coaches are straightforward, will ask why you’re struggling and be proactive about moving you forward.

Rah-Rah

When was the last time something kept you up all night? Money worries? Relationship problems?

What if you had a friend you could call to talk you through it?

This is the essence of what a writing coach does. When you’re exhausted and out of creative juice, we step in, clarify and amp you up.

Sometimes it’s as simple as reminding you of everything you’ve already accomplished, simple validation. Sometimes you just need to be told what will and will not work – and why.

When we work alone – something writers do all day long – negativity can creep in. If your inner editor is the only voice you hear, you’re more likely to start believing it. That leads to procrastination, analysis paralysis and a slew of other kinds of self-sabotage.

But when someone you trust talks to you, the inner editor gets measurably quieter.

Confidence eats that tiny, doubtful voice for breakfast.

Challenge

Got a story to tell but it’s stuck in your throat? Or half-written and stuffed in a drawer?

Well, yeah. Writing can be scary as fuck. Fear is what kills the creative impulse, over and over and … over.

A writing coach helps you work through that, and forces you to get shit done.

Writing, duh.

The result of all this? Words on the page, baby. Your story. Your book. In your hands. Sent out into the world.

What writer doesn’t want that?

Excuses die at the hands of a writing coach. Period.

Your responsibility

Some people think a writing coach is responsible for the writer’s results.

Um, no.

When you work with a coach who pushes you, you become more aware of your goals, your progress, YOUR results.

Someone with experience can advise you, guide you. But the onus to make your dreams come to life is yours – and yours alone.

This usually translates to less whining and more writing.

The main focus of a writing coach is to get you through the rough patches – the places where you’ve sabotaged yourself in the past and given up. Always starting a book and never finishing? Hire a coach.

Staying on track without a coach

Your first option is a writing coach who will be there for you every step of the way. Daily contact gets results, fast.

If that’s not practical, you can still ask a friend to help keep you on track, or you can create a group.

Every writer has one friend who writes. Even if you don’t, explain it to someone, give him this post and ask him to keep you accountable. Schedule actual dates and times to check in and show your work.

The world has plenty of writing groups already. But if none are in your area, consider finding a couple of other writers and create your own group.

Meet regularly. Talk about your struggles and your progress. Read your work out loud to one another. (Nothing motivates a writer faster than the prospect of reading it out loud to other people.)

By creating deadlines and having people to check in with, we get things done. Writing is no different.

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