It’s all rigged in your favor

Feeling down? Depressed? Stuck? Uncertain? In pain?

Look for the meaning.

Is there a lesson? A benefit? Something you’re not aware of that requires you to slow down?

For the last 7 months, I’ve been on a roller coaster ride of anxiety and depression and varied illnesses, mostly caused by my decision to wean myself off of medication that I had taken for 15 years.

When I found RTT and it cured my panic disorder, I saw no reason to keep taking meds. What I didn’t know was that there are withdrawals and they can be ugly.

Some days brought debilitating pain.
Some brought soul-crushing depression and Olympic-size pools of tears.
Some brought a gamut of gastrointestinal symptoms, high anxiety, rage, the belief there was something fundamentally wrong with me, my brain and my life.

What I learned: All of it was very, very necessary.

Last summer, I began an inner journey. I decided I wanted to expand myself and my knowledge. But more than that, I wanted to lean into my purpose.

I am a teacher. I know this. I have a way of distilling and conveying information rapidly, so that it is easy to understand and gets people moving.

But there was something else there. People refer to it as a calling.

My intention on this journey was to lose my ego, ditch the sales tactics, stop the push and the hustle, and get damn comfortable with who I am. Just being me. No Donna Karan and “BUY NOW” bullshit.

The universe has been trying to get my attention in this regard for decades.

I’m 45. It was time.

And as soon as I said yes, asked for guidance and leaned in, it hit me. Full on. No going back.

I’d love to tell you I was committed to getting rid of medication with steely resolve. The truth is that it got so bad, I actually tried to go back on them, but it made my symptoms worse.

So what was the point? Why the pain and suffering? What was so necessary about it?

I had to face the fact that I was not how much money I made. Because I couldn’t increase my income in bed.

I had to face that I was not what I looked like. I’m down almost 50 pounds now and it is NOT pretty.

I had to face that I was more than my ability to help other people. My obsessive behavior toward “saving” others near and dear to me was a lovely distraction for not wanting to deal with my own shit. I got much of my self-worth from rescuing others. And I couldn’t do that when I couldn’t get out of the bathroom.

I had to face that I was worthy and deserving of love and attention, without my money, my looks, my service.

And the only way the Universe was able to show me any of that was by taking it all away and allowing me to see I was okay.

My family and friends still love me. They got to help me for a change. And I learned how to RECEIVE.

My clients, who I continued to serve and who had no idea any of this was happening, still got tremendous value and life-changing guidance from our time together. I’m still receiving love notes and emails from clients who finished with me in winter.

My internal world – the things my ego needed for survival – had to collapse in order for my true essence to shine.

And truthfully, one of the biggest reasons I haven’t live streamed in 7 months is I now have a new feature: I cry at the drop of a hat. I am emotionally raw, open and vulnerable.

Which is exactly what I asked for when this journey began.

For the record, I may go back on meds at some point. But I now understand that I needed to get rid of them in order to have this profound experience and finally see that who I am at my core is more than enough.

Jesse Elder had a great launch for a challenge recently. As it closed, he announced that it wrapped with more than 1K people – without a single ad that included a fancy car, scantily clad woman or mention of money-making.

That’s my kind of marketing. He’s comfortable in his skin.

I’m exceedingly happy to say I am well on that same path.

All of that is to say: If you are suffering, look for the meaning. There is a reason. What you find will soothe you on your path.

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