Why Women Resist Leadership (and How Shadow Work Sets You Free)

Let’s just name the thing:

A lot of brilliant, capable, intuitive-as-hell women secretly resist leadership.

Not because they don’t want it.

Not because they’re not qualified.

And not because they’re “too emotional” or “too much” or “not enough.”

They resist because leadership – as we’ve been shown it – is often traumatizing.

Yeah. I said it.

So if you’ve ever:

  • Delayed launching the thing
  • Procrastinated on claiming your title
  • Dimmed your voice in a meeting
  • Opted out of visibility
  • Felt exhausted at the thought of leading anything

You’re not broken. You’re not lazy. You’re not lost.

You’re responding perfectly to a system that wasn’t built with your nervous system – or your soul – in mind.

Let’s unpack it, trauma-informed style. Then I’ll show you how to work with your shadow to lead without betraying yourself.

First, the Why: What’s Really Behind the Resistance?

1. Generational Trauma Says Power = Pain

For centuries, women in power were burned, banned, mocked or silenced. That energy lingers. Even if you weren’t punished for speaking up, someone in your bloodline probably was.

So when you think about stepping up, being seen, leading a movement? Your nervous system isn’t thinking, “Hell yes.” It’s thinking, “Am I gonna die?”

Shadow Work Prompt: Where did I first learn that power was dangerous? What happens in my body when I imagine being fully in charge?

2. The Nervous System Sees Leadership as a Threat

Leadership is exposure. Visibility. Responsibility. All of which can trigger the same trauma responses as a bear attack: freeze, fawn, flight or fight.

If your system is stuck in survival, leadership feels like a death sentence. Not because you aren’t “ready,” but because your body still thinks the spotlight is a sniper.

Shadow Work Prompt: What parts of me believe that being seen equals being unsafe? What do those parts need to feel protected and empowered?

3. We Inherited a Patriarchal Model That Doesn’t Work for Us

Most leadership we’ve seen is forceful, rigid, extractive. It leaves no room for softness, for cycles, for the sacred. So we reject it – because it feels wrong. But then we shame ourselves for not wanting it.

Shadow Work Prompt: What leadership qualities have I exiled because they were “too feminine,” “too emotional,” or “too much”? Can I reclaim them as strengths?

4. Imposter Syndrome Is a Trauma Echo

Nearly 70% of women in leadership roles report feeling like frauds.

Translation? We’re leading while dissociated. Leading while afraid. Leading while hiding parts of ourselves. And that’s not leadership. It’s performance.

Shadow Work Prompt: What part of me believes I’m unworthy or fake? Whose voice is that, really? What truth lives beneath the mask?

5. Hyper-Independence Keeps Us Stuck and Small

Many high-achieving women are secretly terrified to be supported. Why? Because being let down, betrayed or dismissed in the past taught us not to trust anyone. So we do it all alone, and then wonder why leadership feels heavy as hell.

Shadow Work Prompt: Where did I learn that needing help was weak? What part of me still believes that if I lead, I must do it alone?

Now, the How: Using Shadow Work to Lead Like Yourself

Shadow work isn’t about fixing you. It’s about finding you—the version you hid to stay safe.

Here’s how it rewires your relationship with leadership:

🔥 1. You Build Safety in the Body, Not Just the Mind

Instead of forcing confidence, shadow work helps you feel safe being seen. That changes everything. When your nervous system feels secure, your brilliance stops hiding.

🔥 2. You Lead With the Parts You Used to Hide

Your rage? Sacred fire.

Your grief? Deep empathy.

Your sensitivity? Strategic edge.

Shadow work teaches you to bring all of it to the table, so you lead as your whole damn self.

🔥 3. You Redefine Leadership on Your Terms

You stop mimicking old models. You birth new ones. You build a business or movement that feels like you, not a costume.

Still With Me? Good. Let’s Burn It Down.

This isn’t about fixing your leadership gaps.

  • It’s about grieving the old stories.
  • Calling back the exiled parts.
  • And leading from wholeness, not hustle.

Leadership doesn’t have to feel like a betrayal.

With shadow work, it becomes a coming home.

5 Stats That Prove You’re Not Alone:

  1. Only 10% of Fortune 500 CEOs are women
    You’re not imagining the gap. It’s real.
    (Fortune, 2024)

  2. 60% of women say they’ve never had a leadership role model who looked or lived like them
    Visibility matters.
    (LeanIn, 2023)

  3. One in three women globally experience gender-based violence
    Trauma isn’t rare. It’s common, and it shapes us.
    (WHO, 2021)

  4. Women are twice as likely as men to say they feel burned out
    The cost of performing leadership is real.
    (McKinsey, 2023)

  5. 70% of women report imposter syndrome in leadership
    It’s not a personal flaw. It’s a cultural symptom.
    (KPMG, 2022)

Final Note

If you’re craving leadership that lets you breathe, rest, rage, and rise—

Shadow work is your map.

You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You’re on the edge of remembering who the fuck you are.

P.S. Check out SHADOW RISING, my exclusive mastermind for women who want an approach to business and life that gets real results. (Bonus: your clients will RAVE.) As I type this, we have 3 seats remaining for the entire year.

You are your own permission. Take it.

P.P.S. I created a brand new FR∑∑ guide to help women reevaluate – and burn down – dysfunctional businesses. Do you feel like you’ve changed more than your biz? Outgrown your clients? Are you ready to take a more aligned leap in the direction you want? GO HERE.

It’s called THE COACHING INDUSTRY EXPOSED, 15 questions that will likely shatter your coaching practice in a GREAT way. You’ll love it. xo

You decide your income (not your numbers)

I learned a long time ago that numbers (website hits, online followers, likes, comments and email subscribers) are such a teeny-tiny part of what determines my earning potential that I never look at them.

And on the rare occasion that I do look, I don’t really care what they are.

The way I see it…

Income and impact are completely and totally unlimited. Meaning, nothing will determine how much you make or how many people you help except YOUR BELIEF and your action.

I have about a million examples of this in my own life. For the sake of brevity, I’ll give you one:

My first launch, many moons ago, I hired the marketing team and the FB ads experts and opened a Facebook group and did all the things.

I had no idea what typical sales percentages were, how many people bought from a big launch, etc. And I liked it that way.

I knew what I wanted to make and I knew I would show up powerfully for whoever joined.

So I did the thing.

For 6 weeks, I showed up and gave it my all. I let the ads people monitor costs per click and the marketing people deal with ad copy. My only job was to stay aligned to my goal and help people.

When we closed the launch, I made $500K profit. Not bad for my very first launch. I was stoked.

But then the team sat me down and said something that I will never forget…

“You don’t understand, Becky. The sales rate for your industry is only about 2.5%. You just closed 18%. How did you do that?”

My answer then is the same as it is now.

Numbers, industry standards, averages and formulas don’t mean shit.

The only metric I care about is my level of belief in myself and my work, and my commitment to showing up to help people.

You get what you expect.

And then I told them to never again share their numbers with me – because I don’t want to know what a “typical” launch looks like. That’s none of my business.

In fact, the less I know about foolish rules or typical outcomes, the better off I am. I don’t want that shit in my head, limiting my ability.

I decide my results. Period.

Now listen, that launch made me a fuck ton of money. And it brought in 250 new souls to my business. It was magical.

But what I remember most about it was that I didn’t know the fucking rules, which meant I didn’t have to follow them.

The same thing has applied to my ENTIRE career.

When I was a 35 year old agoraphobic with two small kids, piecing together a blog and eventually a website, I had no idea what the fuck I was doing.

Then I sat my ass in front of my computer and wrote on that blog every day, connecting with people all over the world, eventually growing a writing coach business.

I googled things. I watched YouTube videos. I played with Twitter to get traffic.

I had a feeling that maybe – just maybe – I was doing something that was going to help a whole lot of people.

I did it myself.

A lot of times, it was the hard way.

But I always did it before I was ready, before I had any clue what the “rules” or expectations were, before I had too much time to think about it.

(Irony: My blog was called “ThinkingTooHard,” a practice that made me anxious AF, before I bought the domain rebeccatdickson.com and opened up the biz.)

The point is I did the shit. I did it scared. I did it uncertain.

But I DID IT.

I use the same domain name today – but with an awesome design and great photos because I can now afford to pay the pros for that stuff.

This isn’t about who builds your website. This is about doing things when you’re scared… Even if you don’t know what may happen, or you’re not sure why you feel pulled to run this damn business at all.

It’s also about letting things add up.

Over 16 years, I have no earthly clue how many followers I have across social media, how many email subscribers, or how many website hits.

But I do know this: They only add up if I keep going. And they add up faster the further I go, too.

  • Things that took five years now take one year.
  • Things that took one year now take one month.
  • Things that used to take me a month, I can now do in a day.

Start before you’re ready and watch it add up.

Or sit around thinking about it some more and multiple it by zero. (Which gets you more zeros, for those who struggle with math.)

Your next wild idea that makes no sense and freaks you out?

The program that keeps pulling you to create, and scares the shit out of you?

The new niche? The new income goal? The new partnership?

MOVE.

You will figure it out as you go.

This is what we free spirits do. We follow our REALLY BIG hearts. We trust our purpose. We lean the fuck in when others are too afraid to trust themselves.

And then we make magic.

You really can do this.

Here’s the deal:

I believe I was put on this planet to help women who want to help others make a difference (and make money).

The world is full of incredible, gifted women who want to make a difference in the world. Some of them feel guilty for wanting what they want or are confused about how to get it.

They often have a hard time believing in themselves and their work.

They feel stuck around how to start, how to attract clients, sell offers, earn what they deserve, and run a REAL business.

It’s my job to help you with all of that.

There is nothing wrong with you for being over your mediocre results.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to make a massive impact, and earn an income to match.

One of the things that is different about me and my work is that I understand the practical and the energetic.

I understand the internal work of healing the past, removing limiting beliefs, clearing space for what you want most and taking the right actions.

I know how to guide you through all of that.

I’m not your average business woman.

Need help? Reach out. You can get me directly via becky(at)rebeccatdickson(dot)com.