Happiness is a 5:1 ratio

So I read old psychology articles for fun (so you don’t have to).

Partly because I’m obsessed with the chemistry of the mind and how it affects human behavior. But also because my own brain is addicted to making seemingly random connections between innate – and often outdated – survival mechanisms and how we need to overcome them in order to live on our terms.

Enter an article in Psychology Today, dated 13 years ago and still every bit as relevant. Because, you know, SCIENCE.

Turns out, we’re programmed to have a greater sensitive to the unpleasant.

Experts surmise it’s yet another way nature built us to live longer: “our survival depended on our skill at dodging danger. The brain developed systems that would make it unavoidable for us not to notice danger and thus, hopefully, respond to it.”

How does that affect us now?

If you were bullied, you’ll be hard-pressed to forget it.

Loss of the family pet? Heartache that stays.

Bad breakup? Car accident? Got fired? Serious mood killers and powerful memories.

Our brains are simply more sensitive to the negative. People who study this shit say a greater surge in electrical activity shows up in our heads when we hear bad news or when something unpleasant happens.

Why should you care?

If you’ve been here more than five minutes, you know I’m a die-hard Law of Attraction chick. I believe the way you think creates your world. As Mike Dooley says, “Thoughts become things.”

Go for the positive, spin negative thoughts 180 degrees, and watch your fucking life transform to exactly what you want. Seek the good and you’ll get more of it.

For example, if you make $1M this year, are you going to cry over the tax bill or celebrate earning a colossal wad of cash?

If you chose celebrate, you’re thinking positive. If you’re obsessing over the tax bill, you’re stuck in the part of your brain dedicated to survival by being hyper-aware of danger.

Ah, but SCIENCE has the answer to this as well. We can ditch the negativity with a precise ratio of positivity. Five good things outweighs every one negative, experts say.

So for every perceived “bad” thing or thought, muster up five good ones.

The fastest and easiest route? Gratitude. Whatever you’re thankful for will get you through every time. (Heat, food, clothes, a car, your health, your job, your business, your cat!)

The point?

Want to be happy? Want to be supported and appreciated?

Then quit making yourself unhappy.

Stop looking for conflict. Stop arguing. Stop being offended. Stop being petty.

Your brain has a bias to hone in on negative. You don’t need to help it get (or stay) there.

• • •

Tired of negative people? Ready to surround yourself with like-minded women who support and uplift one another? Get your ass in my Inner Circle on Facebook. It’s fun. It’s FREE. It’s a freaking amazing place to hang online.

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” – African Proverb

An invitation to succeed

And why do you need an invitation to do something that’s your birthright?

Because many of you seem to have forgotten you can have it all.

You’re spending far too much time worried about others in your industry and not nearly enough improving yourselves and your business.

A bold statement, yes?

Here’s how I know:

On any given day, I receive emails and phone calls with words strung together that go something like this:

[insert name] said not to work with you. She said people are talking about how your clients don’t get results.

[insert name] asked why I would want to work with you instead of her. She said it was a big mistake.

[insert name] keeps asking me about our game plan for my business. She said she has better ideas than you.

Let’s put aside for a moment that most of these “[insert name]”s are women from my own community – women whose very careers I helped launch.

Let’s also put aside that the remainder of the “[insert name]”s are women I’ve never spoken to and, often, never even heard of.

I’ll get right to the point.

I launched this business and my collective Facebook communities (now in excess of 12,000) to create an army of women who have each others’ backs.

The goal was, is and always will be to have positive and supportive spaces for women all the time – and I’m hyper-vigilant about keeping them that way.

I don’t believe in competition. I never have. Five billion people are on the internet. If you can’t find a client who resonates with your message – without trashing another coach – then the problem is you.

The fact remains women entrepreneurs who struggle to get traction in their online businesses come to me to fix that. They come to my Facebook groups to be surrounded by like-minded women who will help them. They want to know they aren’t alone and that it’s safe to talk about their struggles.

So if you’re in my groups or on my email list and you don’t have anything nice to say…

…kindly get the fuck out. Now.

Don’t flood my inbox with bullshit.

I don’t care about gossip, hearsay or any negativity really.

And neither should you.

This represents a much more troubling and over-arching theme among women – one I will continue to tackle head-on as long as I live.

I mean, it’s a sad state when women who came together to support one another start tearing each other down. I could wax philosophical all day about patriarchy and how society sets us up to fail by making sure women do this very thing. But I’m guessing you’ve heard it all before and just forgot.

I could lecture on the concept of “divide and conquer,” but again I’m sure you’ve heard about that as well.

And given that you already know society expects women to eviscerate one another, why not take a step back and ask why you continue to participate.

What’s so scary about a woman’s success that makes you come out with claws extended?

Do you not understand that every woman’s success before yours blazes a fucking trail to make it easier for all women?

Don’t you get that by trashing your colleagues, you make yourself look petty and small?

Why are you helping society perpetuate the myth that women cannot lead because they’re too busy comparing, fighting and trying to out-do one another?

Allow that to sink in. Really. Absorb it.

Every second you spend on that is time taken away from bettering yourself.

When you process that and see it as true, your business will grow, your mindset will improve, you will have more clients and make more money.

And you’re better than trash talk, aren’t you?

This is an extraordinary time to be a women entrepreneur. Look up the statistics. See whose ahead of the game in online business. (It’s not men.)

Give yourself permission to be yourself. Dissolve the fear that makes you attack other women. Delete the programming that leads you to believe someone else’s success means your failure.

You are me and I am you.

When you understand that, you will succeed.