Getting better is NOT pretty

Ever notice that people complain to others who can’t do anything to help them?

If work sucks, whining to your spouse doesn’t make sense.

If the kids are driving you nuts, venting to your hairdresser does nothing to improve it.

If you want a divorce, telling your colleagues at work is pointless.

But we do it – because it’s easier than facing shit head-on.

And then we can play victim, sit on our hands and cry about how unfair life is.

I get it. I used to live that way.

Taking responsibility for my life was a terrifying prospect. Especially since I pretty much hated nearly all of it.

After all, if I was solely in charge of what I had – and didn’t have – then that meant I’d have to do some serious work to get to HAPPY.

Daunting, to say the least.

But here’s the amazing thing…

Actions, thoughts, feelings, choices. We all have them. They’re collectively known as free will.

Once I accepted that life wasn’t playing against me, that I was not a victim, that I created everything I had and didn’t have? I became fucking unstoppable.

If I wanted money, I could have it.

The business? Booming.

The house? Bought.

The car? Paid in cash.

My soul mate? Manifested to a T – right down to his damn cleft chin.

See, life becomes a hella lot easier when you believe you create it. You don’t have to wait for what you want. You can just go get it.

Joe Vitale calls it ordering from the catalog of the Universe. Others refer to it under the umbrella of The Law of Attraction. No matter what you call it, it means you will find what you look for.

Most people do not want to feel like shit. They do not want to be broke, scared, alone, hungry, angry or full of shame.

But we get that way by mistakenly believing life is happening to us.

You want it all? Take responsibility for it all.

You took the job.

You didn’t say no.

You ignored your gut.

You gave up on your dream.

You chose to believe your ex.

You ate the crappy food.

You didn’t do it.

You decided to go it alone.

You trusted her.

It’s easier to blame circumstances, events and people.

It’s safer to NOT be in control and NOT get what you want. (Because if you are in control and you don’t get what you want, that might mean you… fffffffffffffffffffffffailed.)

Being a victim means you don’t have to work, think or do things differently. You just let shit happen to you and then point the finger.

The problem, of course, is it feels shitty.

Up the ante.

Which leads me to this moment.

Go look in the mirror and ask yourself what you want most in the whole world.

Could be something tangible, like money. Could be a feeling – safety, warmth, love.

Look at yourself and ask the fucking question out loud. “Becky, what do you want most?” (But don’t call yourself Becky, unless that’s your name too.) And then listen. REALLY listen.

What does your gut say? You’ll know when you hit on it because you’ll have goosebumps, or the little hairs on the back of your neck will stand on end, or maybe you’ll just have a sense of deep knowing inside that this thing is IT.

Go find out now and come back.

Seriously. Go. I’ll wait.

So, what did you find out?

Write that thing down on a sticky note and post it somewhere you will see it all day long.

Your assignment today is think about what you want in three ways:

  • why do you want that thing?
  • what will it bring you that you don’t have now?
  • who do you need to be to HAVE it?

Universal truths.

Believing you can have something is one of the most important parts of actually getting it. Now that you’ve identified what you REALLY want, do you believe you can have it?

Anyone can have anything (as long as they put in the work).

Mistakes and challenges are a necessary part of the process to getting the thing.

Humans learn best when it’s like a game – and when we’re out of our comfort zone. (Does going after this thing make you uncomfortable? Good.)

Successful people seek out the ugly. Because they inherently know…

…Getting better is NOT pretty.

Happiness is a 5:1 ratio

So I read old psychology articles for fun (so you don’t have to).

Partly because I’m obsessed with the chemistry of the mind and how it affects human behavior. But also because my own brain is addicted to making seemingly random connections between innate – and often outdated – survival mechanisms and how we need to overcome them in order to live on our terms.

Enter an article in Psychology Today, dated 13 years ago and still every bit as relevant. Because, you know, SCIENCE.

Turns out, we’re programmed to have a greater sensitive to the unpleasant.

Experts surmise it’s yet another way nature built us to live longer: “our survival depended on our skill at dodging danger. The brain developed systems that would make it unavoidable for us not to notice danger and thus, hopefully, respond to it.”

How does that affect us now?

If you were bullied, you’ll be hard-pressed to forget it.

Loss of the family pet? Heartache that stays.

Bad breakup? Car accident? Got fired? Serious mood killers and powerful memories.

Our brains are simply more sensitive to the negative. People who study this shit say a greater surge in electrical activity shows up in our heads when we hear bad news or when something unpleasant happens.

Why should you care?

If you’ve been here more than five minutes, you know I’m a die-hard Law of Attraction chick. I believe the way you think creates your world. As Mike Dooley says, “Thoughts become things.”

Go for the positive, spin negative thoughts 180 degrees, and watch your fucking life transform to exactly what you want. Seek the good and you’ll get more of it.

For example, if you make $1M this year, are you going to cry over the tax bill or celebrate earning a colossal wad of cash?

If you chose celebrate, you’re thinking positive. If you’re obsessing over the tax bill, you’re stuck in the part of your brain dedicated to survival by being hyper-aware of danger.

Ah, but SCIENCE has the answer to this as well. We can ditch the negativity with a precise ratio of positivity. Five good things outweighs every one negative, experts say.

So for every perceived “bad” thing or thought, muster up five good ones.

The fastest and easiest route? Gratitude. Whatever you’re thankful for will get you through every time. (Heat, food, clothes, a car, your health, your job, your business, your cat!)

The point?

Want to be happy? Want to be supported and appreciated?

Then quit making yourself unhappy.

Stop looking for conflict. Stop arguing. Stop being offended. Stop being petty.

Your brain has a bias to hone in on negative. You don’t need to help it get (or stay) there.

• • •

Tired of negative people? Ready to surround yourself with like-minded women who support and uplift one another? Get your ass in my Inner Circle on Facebook. It’s fun. It’s FREE. It’s a freaking amazing place to hang online.

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” – African Proverb