Confidence is a Mindf*ck

We’re all too damn hard on ourselves. Self-confidence is something women lack in most areas. While we claim we’re good at certain things, if we don’t consider ourselves an expert in something, we’re less than likely to claim confidence in it.

Anyone who has suffered low self-esteem (read: most of us) knows it can ruin your day, your year or decade. Life can seem damn difficult. This is especially significant for entrepreneurs who must present themselves confidently all of the time, otherwise our clients don’t know if we can deliver what we’ve promised.

The good news?

Life doesn’t have to be this way. If you’re struggling with confidence, keep reading.

Learn to Meditate

The first step in gaining confidence is becoming calm. If we are flailing around dramatically, it’s certainly a distraction and you’re not working from a place of strength. Calm your mind and focus on your breath, breathing in to a count of four and out for a little longer. By practicing calming yourself while you’re in a state of stress, anxiety or uncertainty, you’re better able to navigate these feelings and move through them quicker.

Stop Worrying about What Others Think

Every person has an opinion, but not every person’s opinion should matter to you. Shit, the only opinion that should truly matter to you is your own (and maybe the people you’re paying to help you reach your goals). Most of what we assume people think of us is wrong. It’s just like biting into an apple you assumed was going to be delicious, crunchy and appetizing, but finding that it’s gone soft and bland. Your imagination isn’t exactly reliable in this way, so there’s no reason to listen to it.

If we’re always worrying about what we imagine other people think, instead of listening to ourselves, we’ll never become who we want. That’s really shitty. So instead of living a life of disappointment, it’s time for you to listen to who truly matters. You, my love.

Get Specific

Being confident doesn’t take any meaning until the confidence is tied to something. For example, you’re confident you can eat lunch or put on your shoes, so you don’t necessarily need to work on those areas. Instead, you have to determine exactly where you need the new confidence.

To help clarify, write down a list of the areas you know you need to work on. This helps your brain start working on those areas immediately.

Then, on another sheet of paper, write down your goal. This also helps your brain prepare for its start and the eventually meeting of your goal. When you create a task, your brain will do whatever it takes to complete the task, just like the times you can’t think of a song title but, hours later, it pops into your head.

You’re setting in motion the piece of your brain attempting to recall, which then makes a new pathway (or blueprint) for it to use and strengthen.

Be as positive as possible. If you’re building confidence, negativity will suck it right out of you. Instead of saying something like, “I don’t want to fail” say “I want to succeed.” Your brain won’t work toward what you want it to do, if you’re telling it what not to do.

To put all of these suggestions in play:

  • Think of a time or place or situation you want to feel confident. Then be as specific as possible about what your goal is.
  • Use positive words to describe how you want to be in that time or place. Happy, healthy, or relaxed are three good examples of positive, instructional words to use.
  • Meditate on those words. Imagine how they make you feel. Pretend you are in the place or time you need the confidence you’re training your brain to provide, feeling the words you’ve listed. By doing this, you’re training your brain to automatically feel those things when you arrive at the event.

Once you’ve broken the confidence barrier in one area, reapply this strategy to another area you know you need a boost. Remember, the more you practice something, the stronger your brain becomes in providing what you want. This isn’t some woo-woo garbage I’ve thrown together to make you *think* you can overcome any self-esteem problems, it’s a proven method of creating new neural pathways in your brain.