Tag Archive for: business coach

Screwing up makes you better

You can think about something for days on end. That new idea can be mulled over, viewed from different angles and perspectives ad infinitum.

None of that will help you do it better.

Whether it’s showing up online, creating a new offering, coaching for the first time or tying your damn shoes, we must do the thing – experience it – in order to improve.

Many women entrepreneurs think and think and think. Mistakenly believing it will help them execute. It’s safe (free of judgement of others) in your head. You can practice endlessly, spin your thoughts, and no one is the wiser.

The problem? Science has actually proven that it’s not until you have the guts to try something and practice over and over that you actually improve.

Doing the thing, making a mess, screwing up royally? That’s where the power is.

Ergo, your willingness to fuck up makes you better.

Your willingness to be brave? Catapults you.

When I started writing, I was in high school, about 15 years old. And I sucked. Sure, I had moments of genius, fragments to hang achievements on. But they were nothing, comparatively speaking, to what I produced as a reporter and copy writer.

When I began my career as a journalist and editor? I was okay. Better than in high school, but not the writer I am now. And every day that I continue to write, experiment, play with words, make a mess, also makes me better.

My willingness to fail has been my road to success.

When you care more about improving yourself than what other people might think, you will succeed. It’s inevitable.

When you do it, instead of thinking about it, you exponentially speed up your learning curve and put yourself on the path to achievement.

In The Talent Code, author Daniel Coyle talks to the chair of psychology at UCLA about this very thing. Robert Bjork says one real attempt at doing something – allowing yourself to try and fail – is more useful than several hundred observations.

“We think of effortless performance as desirable, but it’s really a terrible way to learn,” he said. “Things that appear to be obstacles turn out to be desirable in the long haul.”

Perfection is for losers.

I talk a lot about fear and how it keeps us small.

After all, if you don’t try, you won’t fail and no one will judge you for your mistakes.

It also means you stay where you are. And if that’s not where you want to be, the answer is doing something else.

I believe if we don’t have what we want, we’re holding it away from ourselves. More often than not, it’s because our subconscious is protecting us. Sounds crazy, right? Our brain battling us when it comes to our goals and dreams?

But think about it.

You want money and don’t have it. You run an online business but don’t show up to let people know you have offerings to sell. The two are clearly connected. (Ninety-nine percent of the women I work with do this.)

Ask yourself what you’re afraid of. Why is showing up online so scary? People might judge you, not agree or like what you have to say, ridicule you, complain that you post too much, and on and on.

So what?

Maybe they will and maybe they won’t.

The point is thinking about showing up online won’t make you better at posting or more comfortable with it. But doing it will.

Be willing to stop, stumble and figure it out. A microsecond of struggle makes a lifetime of difference.

In The Talent Code, Coyle calls it practicing deeper.

I call it fucking up to make money.

Your mistakes make you smarter.

So what are you thinking about (instead of doing) right now?

What can you screw up today to further your goals?

My challenge to you is to go make a mess in the name of progress.

Forget everyone and everything else. Create single-minded focus on your goal and then DO SOMETHING to get it.

• • •

If you’re shy about charging money. If you’re reluctant to raise your rates. If you’re questioning your self-worth and the value you bring to the table. If you have no idea where to even begin with your pricing…

I can help. Just reach out.

Want to make money? Be yourself.

Once upon a time I was a relationship coach. I helped women who were in toxic relationships get their shit together and discover why their patterns kept repeating.

I was pretty damn good at it. My clients were much stronger, had more confidence and were more liberated after working with me. I forged this path for nearly a year, then I started to feel like something was off. I wasn’t making money, wasn’t attracting the right type of clients, and frankly, my business became stressful.

I loved working with women, helping them claim their power, own their strengths and go after what they wanted. But I was sick of hearing about relationship drama. I was bored with writing about what a healthy relationship was. I was tired of people referring to me as a relationship coach and asking where they could find other singles.

The truth is it was never about the relationships, it was about them- their confidence, their self-esteem and their beliefs in themselves. Relationships were the avenue I chose because it’s how I thought I could get clients. Sure, heartbroken women reached out to me, but as far as paying clients – they were far and few between.

I wasn’t making money in my coaching practice and I couldn’t figure out why. I was doing all the right things: newsletters, sales funnels, social media and more. But something wasn’t translating.

After eight months of struggling with my biz, buying all kinds of e-courses and programs, I decided to hire a coach. I thought maybe having someone in my corner would help me get clarity. I was right. My business has drastically changed and I’m no longer hiding my business, what I do and how I do it. I’m no longer nervous to put myself “out there”, or to talk about what I do on my (personal) Facebook wall. Now I’m doing what I love, and guess what came along with that?

More happiness. More opportunities. More clients. And more money.

I learned a lot along the way. Investing in myself and a coach was one of lessons, but there are other lessons to remember as your forge your entrepreneurial path.

Business is constant evolution. Things will constantly change and expand. Go with it. Whether it’s your business branding, your ICA, your website or your services – be open to changes. Chances are they will be good for business. Test what works and what doesn’t. If something isn’t making you money, chuck it and come up with something better.

Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you should do it. For example, ahem, relationship coaching. Yes, I was damn good at coaching broken hearts to clarity, but I didn’t enjoy it much. You might be good at social media or strategizing, but if it doesn’t light you up (and you’re not turning a profit), it’s a-okay to start something new. Likewise, if you are doing tasks in your business that make you pull your hair out, quit them, and fast. Hire someone to do it for you. The benefits will outweigh the costs.

Be your own compass. Listen to your gut, your heart and those little voices in your head. Tap into your intuition and trust it. If you start to feel like something is off and isn’t working for you anymore, listen. If the type of clients you originally wanted to work with drain you or don’t see the value in investing in themselves, find new people.

Turn off the noise. Groups, sponsored posts, webinars, the next shiny object – turn it all off. Figure out what you want first, then seek someone to help you get there. Groups are perfect for tips and tricks and promotions, but I’m always floored by the amount of people I see asking generalized business advice there. These groups often become excuses as to why you haven’t reached the next level in your biz. So much is going on and there are so many opinions, you need to be mindful of who you allow to influence your business decisions. You only need two things: a good teacher and an awesome support system.

Get your personal life right. Another reason things felt off in my business was because it didn’t align with who I was. You can’t hide behind the mask of your business forever. Start showing up. You have to own what you do and stop living a double life. You are you, and your business is an extension of you. If it’s not aligned, you will always be searching for something more.

Guest post written by Jenn Scalia. 

Jenn Scalia coaches smart, successful women on how to get clear on what they want (as opposed to everyone else). Her clients have suffered from self-doubt, have trouble setting – and keeping – boundaries and don’t know how to love themselves more. She helps them transform all that and ultimately change their lives.

To learn more about Jenn and her coaching programs and courses, visit www.JennScalia.com.