Authenticity is a shitty word

The concept is killer. But the word itself is overused, played out. So many coaches and consultants claim they can help you find your authentic self, when – really – YOU are the only person in the world who can truly tell anyone who you are on a cellular and soul level.

Here’s how: Stop withholding who you are from the world.

Easier said than done, I know.

We have a primal fear of rejection. Which means your mind will always try to find a way to withhold who you are. We reject ourselves – so nobody else can reject you.

Crazy, right?

The best coaches help you become more of yourself by asking the right questions, poking under the surface, exposing the thing you’re sure you can’t show off. They help you leverage your essence, which magically makes you a magnet for who you’re meant to serve.

When you’re finally free, when you understand how to leverage your business by being ALL of you, your clients come to you in droves.

This is what I unknowingly embodied from day one as a business consultant.

I wish I could tell you that it was a strategic choice – some marketing mojo – to be vulnerable, to say exactly what I thought, to stop apologizing.

But the truth? It was a byproduct of having suppressed myself for 40 years. I simply could no longer do it. I was anxious, depressed, in a crappy relationship. I had no idea what would even make me happy.

By hiding some parts of me, I had diluted all of me. The consequence was I served NO ONE. Not my family, friends, spouse, children or clients.

When I stopped, life became fabulous. Relationships of every kind flourished. I made multiple 7 figures because I was “brave” enough to be myself.

I ended up accidentally leading a revolution – a virtual army of women who crave the same thing.

You can do the same thing. And it’s waaaaaaay easier than you think.

It begins by simply deciding you are enough.

The permission you give yourself trickles out to every area of your life. It expands inside you, then your audience, and warms you all from the inside.

This is when you truly LEAD by example (and by definition).

How do you get clients with ease? Be yourself.

How do you make money as a coach? Be yourself.

Coaches and consultants have the guidance and suggestions. But if they begin to tell you who you should be,–then it’s not exactly authenticity anymore, is it? It turns authenticity into imitation.

I’ve worked with plenty of coaches who offer soul-searching services in hopes of getting people reconnected with their inner-workings. And they’re great, generous and gifted people.

But this is the theory that makes my eyeball twitch: Paying someone to find who you truly are? If you’re brave and honest enough, you can tell us.

This trend in reinvention or resuscitation (however you look at it) only confirms what some of us already know: We don’t recognize how to be ourselves anymore.

Maybe that’s because technological advances and societal trends allow us to be anyone we want and encourage us to be better versions of ourselves, whatever that means. Maybe it’s because your mother wanted you to go to med school and all you wanted to do was write creative non-fiction.

We live in a world that asks us to be skinnier (but not too skinny), smarter (but not arrogant), more politically engaged and emotionally resilient (but not dramatic). We’re told we should eat better and spend more time away from work (but need to earn more to keep up with cost of living).

Don’t even get me started on the crap people say about entrepreneurial women. (Oh, you “work” from home?)

So we try to push forward and do what feels right, only to be reminded our feelings and intuition shouldn’t be the only determining factor in our decisions. We try to prove people wrong by taking different routes and making uncomfortable decisions.

“Make sure you stay logical,” says those among us called practical.

Yet we’re flailing just to be seen, to avoid becoming an invisible illness festering below the surface.
And there you have it. The same battle you had from day one – determining when being yourself is good enough.

Honestly, I’m not sure why using our hearts and heads must be mutually exclusive, but that’s the bum rap our souls and brains are getting. Far too many of us are told our emotions are weaknesses. Because somewhere along the line we decided to listen to our gut and – goddammit – we felt something for the first time.

Think about it. Isn’t that why men have a difficult time tapping into their own feelings? Isn’t that why women are called crazy or bitches or erratic?

It’s All. Too. Much.

It’s not my place to tell you who are you. I’m not a therapist. And before we get any further in, let me come right out and say I’m only an expert in my own experience. It’s truly up to you to decide if you’re willing to explore how my thoughts and experiences have led both of us here.

Choice is a given right for each of us, so if you choose to continue reading, then I welcome you. What I can tell you is this: I’ve watched talented, passionate people fail in business because they fear being themselves (for the reasons I’ve already listed and others I’ll dig into in later). I’ve watched others give up on their dream jobs because they don’t want to be seen.

And this is more common for women, unfortunately, because of societal pressures to be friendly, submissive, or likable.

It’s so gross. And we play into it without even realizing it’s a problem.

Our lives and businesses change every day while we constantly ask ourselves if our contributions are meaningful. Somehow, the idea that if we’re not doing public, massive things, an ordinary life doing work we love, surrounded by people we love, is still not enough.

We’re fed an endless stream of social media posts, often presenting us with information we never need to know about each other (hello, blow out diapers and bathroom selfies). Yet we feel inadequate if we aren’t getting likes for our kid’s shit.

Because, in our beliefs of deficiency (of never being good enough), we’re irrelevant.

Obviously, you don’t think I’m irrelevant if you’re reading this.

You believe – in some small way –the information provided can help you reach whatever goal you have. And you’re right to believe the content is applicable to getting you where you want to be, if you show up and do the work.

Seriously though? I’m not special.

Yes, I earn good money and get many, many Facebook likes (LOL) working for myself, but I’m not even close to special. I’m just a woman who found a job she loves – through years of searching and struggling – and hopes to help people get where they want to be faster than I did.

My advice has helped ignite some of the biggest and best names in the entrepreneurial world, but I’ve also had clients who decide entrepreneurship isn’t what they want themselves (so you’ll never hear their names in terms of this type of business).

Sometimes I’m up until midnight, working my ass off and watching wrinkles crop up on my forehead. I’m wearing sweatpants and smoking cigarettes, the same unhealthy but totally normal behaviors many men and women across the globe are partaking in, while money hits my bank account. The picture I just painted for you is vastly different than the image some people have of me, but it is my reality.

Some people expect me to be busy, with a life they’ve only dreamed about having, but in opposite ways of my reality. My life just isn’t that glamorous. Fortunately, I’m damn comfortable with myself and my sweatpants-wearing, profanity-laden conversations with the crème de la crème of online business. And I embrace what others might consider flaws (my fucking foul mouth) while knowing it might turn off a person or two.

Because those things some people hold against me?

Are the things that draw others into me.

Which brings me back to where I started: Be brave enough to be your fucking self.

That’s how you create a life you love.

Read part two here.

My simplest advice for business success

I lost count of the number of emails I receive each day asking how to make money as a coach.

The answer is surprisingly simple.

If you want to make money as a coach…

How about you don’t suck? How about you stop worrying about how to make money and start focusing on how to be good at what you do?


Share something people give a shit about.

Change lives with your wisdom.

Help people.

What sets you on fire? Talk about that. Your people will feel the burn, too.

Be a better entrepreneur and coach by showing your passion.

Forget about finding the package or offer that will magically earn you millions. If you don’t believe in it, if you don’t like it, no one else will either.

If you’re helping people with the stuff that used to wake you up at night, leave you sweaty and short of breath, the power of what you learned will come through. The same thing happens when you sell what you hate. People see it.

And if you don’t believe in what you’re selling, why would anyone else?

Which brings me to my second point.

Be yourself.

You might be able to hide how you feel for a little while. You may even be able to act like someone else for a short time. But people can tell when you’re not genuine. And it never lasts.

One of the easiest ways to be wildly successful is to be YOU.

Don’t waste your time and energy faking it. And it takes an enormous amount of energy to pretend to be someone you’re not. Plus, it’s a disservice to your people. It prevents you from showing you know you’re stuff.

No one can be the coach you are.

So don’t be stingy. Show us who you are and what you have to say.

Be brave.

Accept that everyone WON’T love you. And know that’s perfectly okay.

Be true to yourself, to your voice, and you will succeed.

Hiding facts, altering the way you might normally say something, leaving out details of who you are because you find them embarrassing – all of that cheats people from connecting with you in a powerful way. And they know when you’re holding back. (Just like your mom knew when you were lying.)

Example: Plenty of people get upset about my swearing, especially my mother. For a while, I tried to clean up my language. I really did.

The whole time, I felt stifled and suffocated, always watching my language and filtering my thoughts. More importantly, my work noticeably suffered.

I tried to change an aspect of who I am – my potty mouth – so my work would be more palatable to more people.

What I learned instead was editing a part of my voice meant altering all of it.

Changing one aspect of how I showed up slowly permeated the rest of my voice. I became neutral, gray, fucking boring. Not me.

You want money for your work? Earn it.

Being successful in this business is not always easy. It’s scary to put yourself on display, present your innermost thoughts with conviction and let go of what everyone else thinks.

But it’s the only way to do it.


Want to learn how to say fuck it, follow your gut and be YOU? Join the 30-Day Gut Check.

I’m going to teach you how to:
– listen to your gut every time, ALL THE TIME
– filter out every other opinion in your life
– do it or delegate it

This is about YOU and your business.

What lights you up.
What feels amazing.
What keeps you excited day after day.

Because that is what makes you money.

Do you want it someday? Or do you want to create it NOW?

Get inside the 30-Day Gut Check and let’s start this shit up.

We’re retiring the crap that says you can’t and learning how to say YES to you.

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. So let’s do it. And at just $47, it’s a steal.