Tag Archive for: mindset

WTF Metrics

The Numbers That Actually Matter in Your Coaching Business

Forget everything you think you know about measuring coaching success. While everyone else is obsessing over follower counts and revenue targets, the coaches who are actually changing lives and building sustainable businesses are tracking completely different numbers. These “WTF Metrics” – the weird, unexpected, and unconventional data points – reveal more about your coaching impact than any vanity metric ever will.

The “Fuck This” Frequency

What it measures: How many times clients say “fuck this” or similar before making a breakthrough.

This might sound counterintuitive, but the best coaches track their clients’ resistance patterns. Every transformation requires breaking through old patterns, and resistance shows up as frustration, anger or the classic “fuck this” moment.

Smart coaches know that three to five major resistance episodes typically precede significant breakthroughs.

Track this by noting when clients express strong negative emotions about the process, complain about homework or want to quit. The coaches who understand this pattern don’t panic when clients get pissed off – they celebrate it as a sign that real change is happening.

Why it matters: Traditional metrics miss the messy middle of transformation. This metric helps you normalize the process for clients and predict when breakthroughs are coming.

Silence Duration Index

What it measures: How long clients can sit in uncomfortable silence during sessions.

Most coaches think talking equals progress. Wrong. The magic happens in the spaces between words, when clients are processing, integrating, or finally facing something they’ve been avoiding. Track how long your clients can tolerate silence without jumping in to fill the space.

New clients might only handle 5-10 seconds. Clients who are doing deep work can sit in silence for 60+ seconds while they excavate truth. The longer the silence tolerance, the deeper the work is going.

Why it matters: This metric reveals emotional maturity, self-awareness and willingness to go deep – all predictors of lasting change.

The Ugly Cry Coefficient

What it measures: Frequency and intensity of emotional releases during sessions.

Track when clients have emotional breakthroughs, not just tears, but the full-body, makeup-destroying, snot-fest ugly cries that happen when someone finally feels safe enough to fall apart. These moments are gold.

Rate them on a scale:
Watery eyes (1)
Single tears (2)
Crying (3)
Sobbing (4)
Ugly cry breakthrough (5)

Clients who hit level 4-5 emotional releases consistently show faster and more lasting transformations.

Why it matters: Emotional release is often the gateway to breakthrough. Coaches who create space for ugly crying create space for healing.

Excuse Velocity Decline

What it measures: How quickly clients stop making excuses for their circumstances.

At the beginning, clients arrive with a full arsenal of reasons why they can’t change. Track how long it takes for excuse-making to decrease by 50%. Is it three sessions? Six? Twelve?

Create an “excuse inventory” early on. Catalog their greatest hits. Then track how these shift from, “I can’t because…” to “I could if…” to “I will by…”

This progression reveals readiness for change.

Why it matters: Excuse velocity directly correlates with results velocity. When excuses slow down, transformation speeds up.

The Uncomfortable Truth Ratio

What it measures: Percentage of session time spent discussing things clients don’t want to talk about.

Most coaching stays surface-level because coaches are afraid to make clients uncomfortable. Track what percentage of each session is spent on topics that make your client squirm. The sweet spot is 30-40% discomfort.

Too little discomfort means you’re enabling. Too much means you’re traumatizing. But that 30-40% zone is where growth lives.

Why it matters: Comfort is the enemy of growth. This metric ensures you’re pushing boundaries without breaking people.

Energy Archaeology Score

What it measures: How much energy clients reclaim from addressing old wounds, limiting beliefs or toxic patterns.

Before starting work, have clients rate their energy levels on a scale of 1-10. Then track monthly. But here’s the twist: also track “energy archaeology.” How much energy they recover by cleaning up their past.

Clients dealing with unresolved trauma, toxic relationships or limiting beliefs are leaking energy constantly. As they address these issues, they don’t just gain energy, they reclaim it.

The energy archaeology score measures this reclamation.

Why it matters: Energy is the foundation of everything else. A client who goes from 3/10 to 8/10 energy will automatically see improvements in every life area.

Boundary Establishment Velocity

What it measures: Speed at which clients start saying no to things that don’t serve them.

Track the first “no” – when clients first set a boundary they wouldn’t have set before coaching. Then measure how quickly they establish additional boundaries. This progression typically accelerates exponentially.

Month 1: Maybe one small boundary
Month 3: Setting boundaries weekly
Month 6: Boundaries become automatic

Why it matters: Boundary-setting ability predicts every other area of success. Clients who master boundaries master their lives.

The Authenticity Emergence Rate

What it measures: How quickly clients start showing up as themselves instead of who they think they should be.

This is subtle but powerful. Track moments when clients share authentic thoughts, make choices aligned with their values (not others’ expectations) or simply stop performing.

Look for phrases like “I actually think…”, “What I really want is…”, or “I don’t care what people think anymore.” These authentic moments usually cluster together once they start appearing.

Why it matters: Authenticity is the foundation of fulfillment. Clients who find their authentic voice create lives that actually fit them.

Implementation Despite Imperfection Index

What it measures: How often clients take action before they feel ready.

Perfectionist clients will plan forever without acting. Track how quickly clients move from “I need to figure this out first” to “I’ll figure it out as I go.”

Measure the time between getting an assignment and taking the first imperfect action.

High-performing clients take messy action quickly. Struggling clients research, plan and prepare indefinitely.

Why it matters: Done is better than perfect, and action creates clarity faster than thinking ever will.

The Real Talk Frequency

What it measures: How often clients bring up topics they’re genuinely struggling with versus topics they think they should be working on.

Many clients perform in coaching. They discuss what they think they should focus on, rather than what’s actually keeping them up at night. Track when conversations shift from “should” problems to “actual” problems.

Real talk sounds like: “Can I tell you what’s really going on?” or “I didn’t want to mention this but…” These moments indicate growing trust and self-awareness.

Why it matters: You can’t solve problems that aren’t being honestly discussed. Real talk frequency predicts breakthrough potential.

These WTF Metrics might seem unconventional, but they reveal the human truth behind transformation. While everyone else counts likes and dollars, you’ll be tracking the metrics that actually matter: the ones that show when someone is getting ready to completely change their life.

Start tracking just two or three of these in your next client sessions. You’ll be amazed at what the numbers reveal about the real work of coaching.

Why Women Resist Leadership (and How Shadow Work Sets You Free)

Let’s just name the thing:

A lot of brilliant, capable, intuitive-as-hell women secretly resist leadership.

Not because they don’t want it.

Not because they’re not qualified.

And not because they’re “too emotional” or “too much” or “not enough.”

They resist because leadership – as we’ve been shown it – is often traumatizing.

Yeah. I said it.

So if you’ve ever:

  • Delayed launching the thing
  • Procrastinated on claiming your title
  • Dimmed your voice in a meeting
  • Opted out of visibility
  • Felt exhausted at the thought of leading anything

You’re not broken. You’re not lazy. You’re not lost.

You’re responding perfectly to a system that wasn’t built with your nervous system – or your soul – in mind.

Let’s unpack it, trauma-informed style. Then I’ll show you how to work with your shadow to lead without betraying yourself.

First, the Why: What’s Really Behind the Resistance?

1. Generational Trauma Says Power = Pain

For centuries, women in power were burned, banned, mocked or silenced. That energy lingers. Even if you weren’t punished for speaking up, someone in your bloodline probably was.

So when you think about stepping up, being seen, leading a movement? Your nervous system isn’t thinking, “Hell yes.” It’s thinking, “Am I gonna die?”

Shadow Work Prompt: Where did I first learn that power was dangerous? What happens in my body when I imagine being fully in charge?

2. The Nervous System Sees Leadership as a Threat

Leadership is exposure. Visibility. Responsibility. All of which can trigger the same trauma responses as a bear attack: freeze, fawn, flight or fight.

If your system is stuck in survival, leadership feels like a death sentence. Not because you aren’t “ready,” but because your body still thinks the spotlight is a sniper.

Shadow Work Prompt: What parts of me believe that being seen equals being unsafe? What do those parts need to feel protected and empowered?

3. We Inherited a Patriarchal Model That Doesn’t Work for Us

Most leadership we’ve seen is forceful, rigid, extractive. It leaves no room for softness, for cycles, for the sacred. So we reject it – because it feels wrong. But then we shame ourselves for not wanting it.

Shadow Work Prompt: What leadership qualities have I exiled because they were “too feminine,” “too emotional,” or “too much”? Can I reclaim them as strengths?

4. Imposter Syndrome Is a Trauma Echo

Nearly 70% of women in leadership roles report feeling like frauds.

Translation? We’re leading while dissociated. Leading while afraid. Leading while hiding parts of ourselves. And that’s not leadership. It’s performance.

Shadow Work Prompt: What part of me believes I’m unworthy or fake? Whose voice is that, really? What truth lives beneath the mask?

5. Hyper-Independence Keeps Us Stuck and Small

Many high-achieving women are secretly terrified to be supported. Why? Because being let down, betrayed or dismissed in the past taught us not to trust anyone. So we do it all alone, and then wonder why leadership feels heavy as hell.

Shadow Work Prompt: Where did I learn that needing help was weak? What part of me still believes that if I lead, I must do it alone?

Now, the How: Using Shadow Work to Lead Like Yourself

Shadow work isn’t about fixing you. It’s about finding you—the version you hid to stay safe.

Here’s how it rewires your relationship with leadership:

🔥 1. You Build Safety in the Body, Not Just the Mind

Instead of forcing confidence, shadow work helps you feel safe being seen. That changes everything. When your nervous system feels secure, your brilliance stops hiding.

🔥 2. You Lead With the Parts You Used to Hide

Your rage? Sacred fire.

Your grief? Deep empathy.

Your sensitivity? Strategic edge.

Shadow work teaches you to bring all of it to the table, so you lead as your whole damn self.

🔥 3. You Redefine Leadership on Your Terms

You stop mimicking old models. You birth new ones. You build a business or movement that feels like you, not a costume.

Still With Me? Good. Let’s Burn It Down.

This isn’t about fixing your leadership gaps.

  • It’s about grieving the old stories.
  • Calling back the exiled parts.
  • And leading from wholeness, not hustle.

Leadership doesn’t have to feel like a betrayal.

With shadow work, it becomes a coming home.

5 Stats That Prove You’re Not Alone:

  1. Only 10% of Fortune 500 CEOs are women
    You’re not imagining the gap. It’s real.
    (Fortune, 2024)

  2. 60% of women say they’ve never had a leadership role model who looked or lived like them
    Visibility matters.
    (LeanIn, 2023)

  3. One in three women globally experience gender-based violence
    Trauma isn’t rare. It’s common, and it shapes us.
    (WHO, 2021)

  4. Women are twice as likely as men to say they feel burned out
    The cost of performing leadership is real.
    (McKinsey, 2023)

  5. 70% of women report imposter syndrome in leadership
    It’s not a personal flaw. It’s a cultural symptom.
    (KPMG, 2022)

Final Note

If you’re craving leadership that lets you breathe, rest, rage, and rise—

Shadow work is your map.

You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You’re on the edge of remembering who the fuck you are.

P.S. Check out SHADOW RISING, my exclusive mastermind for women who want an approach to business and life that gets real results. (Bonus: your clients will RAVE.) As I type this, we have 3 seats remaining for the entire year.

You are your own permission. Take it.

P.P.S. I created a brand new FR∑∑ guide to help women reevaluate – and burn down – dysfunctional businesses. Do you feel like you’ve changed more than your biz? Outgrown your clients? Are you ready to take a more aligned leap in the direction you want? GO HERE.

It’s called THE COACHING INDUSTRY EXPOSED, 15 questions that will likely shatter your coaching practice in a GREAT way. You’ll love it. xo