Nice girls don’t heal

Nice is what’s killing you. Slowly. Quietly. Like a good girl should.

Nice is swallowing your rage until it turns to acid in your gut.

Nice is slow suicide in sensible shoes.

Nice is what makes you apologize while someone’s stabbing you in the back.

Nice is what has you tone policing your own screams.

Nice is what keeps you bringing casseroles to people who’d watch you drown.

Nice is letting people cross your boundaries because making waves isn’t polite.

Nice is trauma wearing a pretty dress and a fake smile.

Nice is a death sentence with a smile.

Nice is why you’re popping Xanax in the bathroom at work with another panic attack.

Nice is why you’re on your third autoimmune disorder, while your digestive system eats itself alive.

Nice is trauma wearing lipstick, and calling itself love.

And I’m done being nice.

Last week, a woman came to me shaking. Not crying. Not screaming. Shaking.

She’d spent so many years being nice, she forgot how to speak. Her voice was trapped under decades of “good girl” and “be kind” and “don’t make anyone uncomfortable.”

Know what happened when she finally broke? She remembered every single person who told her to be “nice” while they were destroying her. Every. Single. One.

Your shadow remembers too.

  • Every time you swallowed your rage and called it peace.
  • Every time you froze instead of fought.
  • Every time you made yourself smaller, smaller, smaller, until you almost disappeared.

That darkness you keep trying to heal? That’s not darkness. That’s your power breaking through nice’s prison walls

That anger you’re afraid of? It knows where the bodies are buried.

That bitch you keep caging? She knows how to save your life.

Nice girls end up as statistics. In hospitals with mystery illnesses.
In relationships that feel like slow murder.
In therapy groups wondering why being good didn’t protect them.

Our Shadow Integration Workshop is for women who are done dying politely. Done turning their trauma into an inspiring Facebook post. Done pretending their rage isn’t holy.

For two hours, we’re going to descend into your shadow and wake up every not-nice part of you that’s been keeping your truth company.

No spiritual bypassing. No toxic positivity. No more f*cking gold stars for making yourself digestible.

$97 gets you the pre-recorded workshop and workbook. Because this work is as messy as the truth, and you’ll need to witness it more than once.

Go here to snag your seat.

P.S. They told you “nice” keeps you safe. But nice is what’s keeping you sick, scared, small. Nice is what’s keeping you in therapy trying to heal wounds that need rage, not reflection.

P.P.S. When nice girls snap, they don’t break. They remember. Every slight. Every betrayal. Every time they chose being liked over being alive.

P.P.P.S. Your shadow isn’t dark magic. It’s every truth you buried trying to be nice. And it’s long past time to dig them all up.

Ethical Guidelines for Trauma-Informed Coaching

Trauma-informed coaching is about creating a safe and supportive space for clients, while respecting the boundaries of your role as a coach. Following clear, ethical guidelines helps protect both you and your clients, ensuring the work is impactful and professional.

Bonus: You become the one person who “gets” your clients. This modality, when done with integrity and compassion, builds a undying loyalty and consistent referrals. People just want to feel heard and seen. Help them by becoming Trauma-Informed.

Understand Your Scope

As a coach, your role is to guide, support and empower clients, not to diagnose or treat trauma. Be clear about your boundaries and avoid stepping into therapeutic territory.

Your role involves creating an environment where clients feel heard and validated, while recognizing that deeper trauma processing requires the expertise of licensed mental health professionals.

When working with clients, explicitly communicate your scope of practice at the outset of the relationship. This clarity helps set appropriate expectations and builds trust.

For example, if a client begins discussing unresolved trauma that seems beyond your ability to address, gently explain that while you can support them in specific ways, they may benefit from additional professional help.

Recognize When to Refer

Referrals are a critical component of trauma-informed coaching. Knowing when and how to refer a client to a mental health professional ensures their needs are met ethically and effectively.

Below are key indicators that a client may require additional support:

  1. Intense Emotional Dysregulation: If a client is unable to manage overwhelming emotions during or after sessions, it may indicate the need for therapeutic intervention.
  2. Recurring Trauma Flashbacks: Persistent flashbacks or dissociative episodes are beyond the scope of coaching and require specialized care.
  3. Stagnation or Regression: If a client shows little progress despite consistent effort, it may signal unresolved trauma requiring deeper exploration with a therapist.
  4. Self-Harm or Suicidal Ideation: Immediate referral is necessary when a client exhibits signs of self-harm or expresses suicidal thoughts. Be prepared to act swiftly and responsibly.
  5. Substance Abuse or Addictive Behaviors: These often require comprehensive treatment plans and the involvement of specialized professionals.

Referring a client isn’t a failure. It’s a testament to your commitment to their well-being.

Building a trusted network of licensed therapists, counselors and other mental health professionals ensures you have resources ready when needed. Familiarize yourself with their areas of expertise and maintain open communication to facilitate smooth transitions for your clients.

Providing clients with multiple options, where possible, empowers them to choose the right fit for their needs.

Navigating Ethical Dilemmas

Ethical dilemmas can arise unexpectedly in trauma-informed work. For example, a client may disclose current abuse, self-harm, or suicidal ideation.

Here are key steps to navigate these situations:

  • Prioritize Transparency: Let clients know at the beginning of your coaching relationship about any limits to confidentiality, such as mandatory reporting laws.
  • Client Safety Comes First: If a client’s safety is at risk, take appropriate action. This may involve reporting to authorities, contacting a mental health professional or involving emergency services.
  • Seek Guidance: Consult with a supervisor, mentor or peer network to ensure your decisions align with ethical best practices. Document these consultations for accountability and clarity.

Respect Client Autonomy

Empower your clients to make their own decisions and set the pace for their healing journey. Avoid pushing them to explore areas they are not ready to confront.

This approach fosters a sense of safety and collaboration. Key principles include:

  • Active Listening: Reflect and validate clients’ experiences without judgment or assumptions.
  • Encouraging Agency: Use questions and exercises that help clients identify their own solutions and next steps.
  • Pacing: Allow clients to progress at a speed that feels safe and manageable for them.

Ongoing Education

The field of trauma research is always evolving, and staying informed is essential to maintaining ethical and effective practices.

Commit to continuous professional development by:

  • Attending workshops and conferences focused on trauma and its impacts.
  • Reading recent studies, books, and resources from experts like Bessel van der Kolk (The Body Keeps the Score) and Peter Levine (Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma).
  • Engaging in peer learning through supervision groups or online forums.
  • Pursuing certifications or advanced training in trauma-informed approaches.

By adhering to these ethical guidelines, you create a coaching relationship built on trust, safety, and integrity.

Trauma-informed coaching is a collaborative process that respects the unique journey of each client. When coaches remain within their scope, refer appropriately, and commit to ongoing learning, clients feel supported, understood, and empowered to move forward.

References:

  • van der Kolk, B. A. (2015). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin Books.
  • Levine, P. A. (1997). Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma. North Atlantic Books.
  • SAMHSA. (2014). Trauma-Informed Care in Behavioral Health Services. Retrieved from https://www.samhsa.gov

Ready to become a trauma-informed coach?

Are your clients hitting emotional walls that slow their progress? You know they have incredible potential, but something is blocking their breakthroughs.

In our Trauma-Informed Coaching Certification program, you’ll learn to recognize trauma responses and integrate practical tools that allow you to help your clients push through their emotional barriers for lasting transformation.

Do your clients struggle with stress, burnout, or emotional rigidity that undermines their leadership? Unresolved trauma can impact a leader’s ability to perform at their best. Our Trauma-Informed Coaching Certification program shows you how to recognize trauma in leadership, provide emotional regulation tools and create healthier work environments – so your clients can lead with clarity and confidence.

Do you see clients who are emotionally stuck or overwhelmed but don’t know how to guide them past these roadblocks? In our Trauma-Informed Coaching Certification program, you’ll gain strategies to help your clients work through their emotional barriers—empowering them to find balance, resilience and inner peace so they can thrive in all areas of their life.

The next cohort begins Feb. 27.

Join us and become part of the 1%. Your clients need you now more than ever.